Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Let's Talk About Being Alone

So my dinner posts are going to be few and far between this week because my husband is in the field (a.k.a. away from home, for all you non-Army types) all this week.

If you'd really like an overview of what I ate for dinner tonight then here you go:

-Cereal
-Frozen bagged veggies (obviously not frozen when I ate them)
-Wine

There ya have it! I think it's pretty well-rounded! (LOL)

Let's move on to tonight's topic: Dealing with your husband or significant other being gone.

Now, I think there are two major pools of people when it comes to this topic:
1. Those who deal with being away from their spouse or sig. other frequently.
2. Those who rarely (if ever) have to be away from their spouse or sig. other.

I obviously fall into category numero uno, as do most military wives. But this also includes couples where one or both of the members has to travel for work a lot.

I am at the point, after surviving an 11 month deployment and numerous shorter periods of time away from my husband, where I feel like I'm somewhat of an expert at being away from my spouse.

Do I prefer to be away from him? Hell no!

But do I fret and get upset over him being gone for a week (or more)?

No.

In fact, I actually kind of enjoy my alone time. Why?

Because I can forgo making a "real" meal and just eat cereal and wine for dinner.

Because I can watch whatever trashy TV I want for however long I want.

Because I don't have to talk to anyone if I don't feel like it. (Not that I don't enjoy talking with my husband, but sometimes it's nice to just be quiet.)

Because the house stays significantly more clean when my husband's away. He's a serial-clutterer and he sure knows how to dirty up a toilet. :)

Because I don't have to fall asleep with the TV on at night if I don't want to. My husband has trouble falling asleep at night unless the TV is on in the background. Isn't that so weird?! I feel like that's the opposite of how it should be and it sometimes keeps me awake. (I will say though, that throughout his deployment I actually found myself turning the TV on at night as I was falling asleep because it reminded me of him and comforted me.)

As you can see, there are plenty of reasons for me to actually look forward to a little time away from my hubs. I always try to focus on these positive things when he is getting ready to leave for a while.

Then there are the people who are all doom and gloom when their partner has to be away for any amount of time.

"My husband is going to be gone ALL WEEKEND!! First time we've been apart from each other for more than a day since we were married! Wahhhhh!"

Ever seen one of those status updates on Facebook? Yeah....I'm not gonna lie....they piss me off.

The thought running through my head when I see one look something like this:
Really? REALLY?! Do you KNOW how lucky you are that this is the first time you've had to deal with any time apart? Why aren't you ENJOYING the fact that you will get some alone time instead of complaining and pissing me off?

I'm always tempted to write something along these lines on those people's status:
"I think you'll be fine. If I did a year, you can do 2 days. You're welcome."

But when I get all Bitter Betty about people like the above, I try to remind myself that they live a different kind of lifestyle than I do and they have a different outlook on things because they haven't experienced what I have. They are in pool #2.

And that's okay too. It's okay for them to complain about it, because they really do feel nervous/scared/upset/whatever about the prospect of being away from their partner.

And to be quite honest? I remember feeling that way too at one point in my life (before I was thrown mercilessly into this thing called being an Army wife). But I've also always been the type of person who enjoys having "me time".

Now I'm off to finish watching my trashy TV, drinking my wine and falling asleep with the TV off. :)

So which pool do you fall into? How do you feel when you have to be away from your sig. other? Do you look forward to "you time"?

Disclaimer: I really hope this whole post doesn't come off as too judgy or "holier than thou" because that is not my intent at all. I was really just trying to point out how interesting it is that two people could view the same thing in such different ways.

Also, all that said, I am REALLY looking forward to my husband's return this coming Sunday. Life is just more complete with him here.

5 comments:

  1. I'm really glad you shared this. I am in the latter category, and I often relish the few times my husband is away because I miss that "me" time. But I can't even imagine what it would be like if he were away more often, or for longer stretches of time. I appreciate you giving me a small glimpse into your world, so that I can try to put myself in your shoes and appreciate it a bit more. You've got me thinking! :)

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  2. My hubby and I don't often spend time apart, but I fall into the "I'm okay with it" category for the same reasons as you. I get to watch whatever TV shows I want, wander aimlessly through Target for hours... it's lovely! But I have to say when he was working nights I got lonely, so I can't imagine surviving 11 mos of deployment!

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  3. I'm almost always with Hubbs, but if he worls late or happens to go on a work trip... I take full advantage! Like you, I also use it as an opportunity to watch all my dvr'd trash tv (hello bachelor pad, jersey shore, real housewives, gossip girl... I could go on ;)) and forgo real dinners as well.
    I like cereal and wine. 'll have to try that!

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  4. I'm definitely pool #2. I can honestly say in the 1 year (I know, not that long but it's a big deal for us!) I've been with my boyfriend, we've only not seen each other a total of 5 days. 3 full days early on when I got sick and his car died (I didn't have a car so we had no way of seeing each other)... then 2 days when I went to a wedding in Houston. Since then, I've seen him everyday and I'm really blessed to say that! Neither of us have jobs that require us to be away from each other at all and the only time I plan on being away from him is I were to have a girls weekend in Houston as I'm planning soon. It's nice to get away sometimes because seeing him when I get home is kind of a recharge for us. Since we see each other so much, away time is very important. He has his buds over when I'm not home or I'll go somewhere when he has the day off and he can just have "Joe time" and that helps us. They say time apart is just as important as time together and I believe it.

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  5. I don't think anything can compare to going 11 months but I'm usually in category 2 but working my way into category 1. Clint being gone for 3 days a week all fall and I just got home last night after being gone myself for a week, so we're both traveling a lot for work. I must say, I do enjoy him being gone on week nights every now and then, I get to eat what I want for dinner and watch the shows I want to, but I'm not a big fan of him being gone every weekend, especially in the fall. But I've booked up most every weekend so hopefully I won't miss him as much!

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