Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Change: It's a Comin'

Change is scary.

You'd think I'd be used to change and "going with the flow" by now, considering I've been an Army wife for 3 years, but I'm not. Change still terrifies me.

Yes, it can be exciting, but mostly it's just scary and anxiety-inducing.

Dad's cancer is the #1 change on my mind these days. So many questions, not enough answers. It scares me to think how this new diagnosis will change things. The way he is, the way he feels, the way he enjoys life, etc.

Will he need chemo? Will he need another surgery? Will it be a hard recovery? Will he lose his hair? Will he need to stay in the hospital for a long time (he is so NOT the hospital type)?

Come to think of it, I don't think I ever updated the blog on his change of diagnosis. The last time I posted we thought it was Plasmacytoma but the official lab reports of the biopsied tumor came back and said it was something totally different...

Medullary Thyroid Cancer.

We still don't know much about it and the extent of it because he's still undrgoing testing but it's pretty much just as scary of a diagnosis as plasmacytoma was. The good news is that he feels great and the doctors seem hopeful. (Can I just say how surreal it is to see your dad looking and acting totally healthy but really you know that he is "sick"?? Odd feeling.)

Lots of other changes are coming too! Within the past couple weeks Alex got his orders to PCS so we are officially moving to Fort Huachuca, Arizona in t-minus 4 months!

Our official report date is early January but we plan on being totally moved out of our house here by mid-December so that we can celebrate the holidays with family.

I told my work this week that my last day would be December 3rd. I'm really not too torn up about this one because I'm definitely ready for a working break and a change. :)

The saddest thing about moving will be leaving all my amazing friends that I've made here. I can't imagine Army life without my Deployment Sisters. :(

I'm also getting a lot of anxiety about moving far away right in the midst of my dad's cancer treatment. We're lucky to only live 3 hours away from him right now so I can easily pick up and be there in no time if needed. Living in Arizona will change all that. Plane tickets, time and $$$ will be required.

I'm hopeful that all this change will result in something wonderful and I know that I just need to stop worrying about the "what-ifs" and focus on the positives.

Are you good with change or are you like me and shudder at the thought of it?

3 comments:

  1. I like LITTLE changes such as the way my room is set up and my iPhone wallpaper... and if I'm stressed out and NEED a change, moving is great. Other than that, usually, it really scares me. Moving in with my boyfriend terrified me 'cause I was certain we'd break up. It's been 6 months since we moved in and we're celebrating 1 year next month so I feel better about it now but when the change is happening, it's so scary for me. You seem like a very strong woman... even when you post about how you're falling apart, you're obviously not because you're still alive and kicking!!

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  2. I really struggle with change, especially when it comes all at once, like in your situation! I really admire your attitude and perspective on all of this! It's something I'm striving for. :)

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  3. I'm trying to learn to embrace change... it doesn't come naturally for me.'

    Please keep us updated on your dad. Still sending prayers your way!

    The good thing about blog friends? We can travel with you to your new home ;)

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